Recently, I’ve been wondering whether I should buy the newly released MacBook Pro.
The initial motivation wasn’t very positive.
I thought it might be useful during my upcoming hospitalization.
But upgrading my computer just for a hospital stay somehow felt wrong.
During a short stay at the hospital the other day, I brought along an old MacBook Air I had at home.
While the fever reducers were working, I opened it for a while and wrote a few things.
That’s when I noticed something.
My thinking felt very narrow.
As if something was pressing down on it.
At home, I normally use my Mac connected to a large external monitor.
Compared to that, I realized that I was naturally becoming more negative.
Perhaps it’s like the difference between thinking comfortably in a spacious living room,
and worrying inside a cramped closet.
The size of a computer screen is not a physical space.
And yet, I felt very clearly that it influences the way we think.
Of course, being in an unfamiliar hospital environment,
and suppressing a high fever with medication,
must also have affected it.
Maybe that’s exactly why.
I wanted to prepare something that could help me stay a little more positive.
Or perhaps I shouldn’t be touching a computer at all while I’m hospitalized.
That would make sense.
And honestly, I think that too.
Still, there is a part of me that cannot suppress the urge to create something.
And another part of me that says,
don’t rush.
So for now, I’ve left the decision undecided.
Next week I will go back to the hospital
to determine the schedule for my next stay.
By then, maybe I’ll have made up my mind.
But if I haven’t,
perhaps that too is an answer.