I notice a slight urge to say something.
Perhaps it is because things have moved forward, at least a little.
Even so, it is still not enough to truly speak about.
There are parts that are clearly too early.
I am not being deliberately vague.
When this post is published, there will likely be no readers.
So this is a dialogue with myself.
I am not thinking that doing something will automatically change something else.
Rather, I am beginning to feel a slight discomfort with simply accepting myself as someone who has done nothing.
Is this a roundabout way of putting it?
If so, that cannot be helped.
An idea that had been suspended for nearly ten years has recently found a form that finally settles.
It is not that I had been thinking about it continuously for those ten years.
It was more like quietly accepting the vague sense that perhaps this would amount to nothing and fade away without notice.
I had calculated many steps and much effort would be needed to give it shape.
But thanks to recent developments in AI, it was resolved all at once.
That left me with a slightly strange feeling.
I thought I would feel happier.
I thought I would feel lonelier.
Perhaps I had been carrying a certain weight on that matter.
It settled naturally, without force.
Judging from how easily the tension released, effort may not have been necessary after all.
If I were to explain what it is, it would not sound like much.
But I have my own reasons to treat it with care.
So for now, I will leave it unnamed.
Perhaps one day it will connect neatly.
Perhaps it will not.
Either way is fine.
Whichever it is, I believe it will be a good shape.
What I am writing here in RAIVAL will also, in its own way, form something.
You see, even now, while conveying almost nothing, I still feel the urge to speak.
I would like that feeling to be gently allowed.
And I would like to tell myself as well,
“It is okay for today to be like this.”