Already Knew

Several plans were rescheduled one after another.

It affected me more than I expected.

Perhaps because I had expected so much from them.

There is nothing wrong with hoping that someone will act in a certain way.

But perhaps lack begins the moment that hope becomes, “It has to be this way.”

Interestingly, those events led me toward something else.

A new action.

And yet, it was something I had wanted to do for a long time.

Something I had kept on hold suddenly began to move.

Perhaps things simply unfolded the way they were meant to.

If so, was what happened at the beginning really a lack?

Looking only at that moment, it certainly appeared that way.

But when I include what came afterward, it begins to look different.

Perhaps it was not lack.

Perhaps I had simply perceived it as lack.

I had known something like this intellectually for a long time.

I know.

I already knew.

But experiencing it was different.

It felt almost like checking an answer I had already been given.

Lately, the world feels much softer than it once did.

Like a solid object touched inside a dream.

It is certainly there.

I can feel its hardness.

But is it really solid?

Or do I simply perceive it that way?

Perhaps reality is something like that too.

I suppose I will continue to know through experience what I somehow already knew.